Shoeless Grandfather Alert

The other day I find out that my Grandmother is in the hospital because she had a small stroke. I guess it wasn’t anything too serious, I’ve been told this happens to people as they get older and she’s 86. My grandfather on the other hand is about 89 and a PISTOL, and refuses to believe that he’s getting older. This is a man who was in the 101st airborne (& used to mail machine guns back home when he was in the war because he wanted to keep them), was a sharp shooter, was a game warden, was a logger, etc. This is also a man who turns his odometer backwards when he wants to sell a car and used to let my father drive when he was SEVEN, because my Grandfather wanted to take a nap on the way to wherever they were going.

So, when the doctors said that my Grandmother was going to have to stay in the hospital, he decided he needed his drivers license to go and visit her. Now when you work at the DMV and an 89 year old walks in & wants to legally be allowed to drive, you’ve got to wonder to yourself “is this such a good idea?” And when this 89 year old fails FOUR TIMES, how do you figure it’s ok to let him take it again? When he finally passes on his 5th time, you should have to put everyone in your town on orange alert.

So now my Grandfather has his drivers license, but he can’t use his legs so much because of all the wear and tear over the years. My Grandmother even has to help him put his shoes and socks on the morning because he can’t quite do it himself.

So one day, he decides to drive down to the hospital and walks in with just his socks on. He leaves his shoes at home because clearly you don’t need them if you’re just going to be walking around in a hospital – it’s sterile, people are used to patients with no shoes, ok fine.

The next day, he walks into the hospital with his shoes on. Everyone is wondering how he could possibly do this himself, and just as they are congratulating him, he reveals his secret: He saw a hitch hiker on the side of the road, told him he would take him anywhere, if only the guy put on his shoes for him! The hitch hiker obliged, got a ride, and viola, problem solved.

I love my Grandfather, but Lord help us.