Top 10 things you might hear/see/do when you're out with Kelli and I on a Saturday night

10. your taxi driver will seem normal until he gives you the reason you need to wear your seatbelt: molecules, lot’s of molecules. they move around, crash into each other, and do some other stuff too. (and this was our driver on the way to the bar!)

9. boy to kelli: “I love your lips….are you malato?” ummm…I don’t think that’s PC or something you're allowed to just ask people.

8. boy to me: “what kind of car to you drive? I just want to gauge your personality…” because you can’t just talk to me & figure it out!?

7. It’s ok if you’ve slept with the guy standing behind you & you don’t remember his name. it happens to the best of us

6. Don’t worry about sinning, the ‘program’ (we’re still not really sure what program this is), tells you to let everything just roll off your back. You can sin, they can sin, everywhere a sin sin... Imagine the possibilities…

5. Club owners who double as bartenders, who only charge you $15 for drinks all night & put on a fire breathing show are right up there with the Pope in my book.

4. “Samantha you’re so pretty,” “My name is Kelli”

3. When the night is winding down it’s best to just cut to the chase: “ok, what do you wana do now?” “Have sex?” “Yes.” Bonus points for when your ex texts you for a booty call and after you don’t respond he says “guess you found someone else for the night.” yes I did.

2. Sometimes you’re SO drunk in the morning that you put your boots on the wrong feet & walk around a little bit until you figure it out.

1. Sometimes when you’re super drunk in the morning, it’s possible that you can call a cab to get you, and you can’t remember the address, so you ask him to go to three different places before you get the right one. Even though you’re excited when the car pulls up (because yay, you’ve won!), they don’t like that.