aressted development

I HAVE A WARRANT!!!

This is obviously not ok since I’m not a criminal. I’ve been in trouble for speeding – no warrant. I’ve been caught running a red light – no warrant. I’ve received a ticket for driving/parking the wrong way on the street – no warrant. But apparently, if you don’t change the address on your drivers license with the DMV – WARRANT.

So now I have to wait 3 seconds at every stop sign, signal every time I switch lanes, drive the exact speed limit, etc., so there is no reason for me to be pulled over & go to jail. I even have a bail amount already set if they do happen to throw me in the big house any time soon. All because my drivers license says I still live in Santa Monica and didn’t fix it in an expedient manner.

I’m off to court now and am gathering ideas as to how I will plead with the judge to drop my fine ($530!) So far…
1) I will cry.
2) I will show them that I receive mail at my new addy, so obviously I have changed the address on some level (thanks HW for this brilliant idea!)
3) I get separation anxiety and still live in SM in my heart

My hump day is ruined.

hello moto

as I sit here at work, trying to concentrate on things like how to properly promote Disney events – which I obviously should be taking very seriously and staying on top of – i cannot concentrate or motivate myself to do ANYTHING. I have successfully wasted an hour catching up on things like new failblog.org posts, Kendra Wilkinson’s engagement, and downloading random music. and the sad thing is that I came into the office at NOON! Soy un perdedor.

I need to motivate myself (& no, not that kind), but just can’t get my act together…what’s a girl to do!?

about last night: the good, the bad, and the ugly

the good: YAHOO!!! I’m so proud of our country and filled with hopes and dreams for the future!

The bad: I broke up with my boyfriend

The ugly: I left his house at 2:00am after his ex repeatedly called in the middle of the night & although he kept putting her thru to VM, he didn’t think it was a big deal. He furthermore said there was nothing wrong with continuing to talk to her (I’m a stickler on the whole ‘no talking to the ex’ rule & he knows this) and that I was taking our relationship “too seriously” if this upset me so much. WTF!? Not ok. And just a side note, he just returned from Vegas celebrating his bday & last night was the first time I had seen him in a week - being the glorious girlfriend that I am, I was extremely generous with regard to the gifts and for some reason decided that in lieu of paying bills I was going to buy presents. fail. I’m actually contemplating cancelling and getting a refund on the massage appt I booked for him…dead serious.

in my spare time, i'm a mento

reference to understand heading: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3DX1ZQmq7o

Over the past several months I have increasingly found myself worrying about the state of, well….everything. This election has certainly become a heated one, as well as the most powerful and important one in history. So it baffles me that people can actually rally around a vice presidential candidate that declares when she gets into the white house she will do “mavericky” things. Her experience with foreign policy is based on the fact that she can see Russia from Alaska - with her binoculars of course. According to this rational I too have foreign policy experience because I’ve seen Switzerland from Italy.

So I’ve been trying to figure out how I can help to prevent such ignorance in the future. It’s just appalling to me that the Republican ticket actually has a following of believers, and I shudder at the thought of these mentally challenged people passing on their beliefs to others.

Enter my bright idea. Originally spurred on by the fact that I have to do community service because of a red light violation (apparently you can’t block out your front license plate and vin # - the cameras take pics of your back plate too), I began my hunt to be a good will ambassador. Since I’m not having children to pass my glorious morals, ideas, & famousity on to, I started to realize that I could actually imbed these things into SOMEONE ELSES child’s head!! Brilliant. So Monday I start project “anti-GOP” by taking mentoring a 4th grader at a local school and I couldn’t be more excited.

i got 5 on it (or not)

Imagine this: You’re on vaca in San Diego with your BFF”S, have an outstanding room at the W, have enjoyed a night of hob-knobbing on the rooftop bar, and wake up to your roomie announcing it was time to wake-n-bake. So far, so good with regard to the fun-o-meter.

At this point, you venture outside of the hotel and have actually managed to navigate your way to a diner where you and your peeps have filled yourself to the brim with a breakfast that could feed a small country.

Now in your state of well being, you start to slowly stroll back to the hotel, enjoying your surroundings. Clear sky, bright sun, window shopping, etc. You couldn’t be more content if you tried!

But then…you hear an odd noise behind you. It sounds like some kind of slapping and words are mumbled, but the noise gets louder and curiosity peaks. You turn around and there is your friend, in a slapping altercation with some random woman!

She is dirty and her clothes are disheveled, clearly a homeless person, and she is grabbing at your friend while he is fending her off with multiple hitting methods. OMG, WTF?! Everyone on the street was staring in disbelief – were we all really witnessing this random act of violent homeless aggression!? She was lunging, displaying the face of a man who was about to go into battle, and shouting, “Give me cash, give me cash!” When that didn’t work, she belted out, in her best warrior voice, “Give me cash – I MEAN IT!” Apparently she thought if she really meant it, it would make a difference and someone would hand over their wallet. Not so much. Then in the blink of an eye, she ran away, just as quickly as she appeared, realizing that no one had five on it. We all resumed our walk home in confusion and laughter, taking turns recounting the story in utter amusement. SD homeless – 0, Us – 1.

Pictured below, Choo, the victim:

along came paully

As an early 30-something who has increasingly become aware of the aging process, I’ve become ever more aware of the importance of my appearance. I’m dressing differently, eating differently, and botoxing differently (as in, I never had to until now). I’ve also started to look at relationships differently…and let’s face it, who doesn’t at this age. After all, gravity starts to work against you, naps become a habit, and you can no longer stay up until 6 in the morning (partying at the hotel, motel, holiday inn). So, I began to think that settling down might have to become my reality. After all, who wouldn’t like the comfort of a significant other to come home to and a constant in a world that has become unsteady?

Enter Mr. Ring, a situation I now like to call like to call my ring-around-the-rosie. (see http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question57190.html for further explanation) I had stability with Mr Ringaround - a glorious car, boat, a house, and all things shiny. Yet the thing we don’t realize in these rosie rings, is that the sparkly surface doesn’t hold a candle to the rust on the inside. So, after two years the relationship came to a screeching halt, an itchy sweater situation if you will, over a heated argument about garbage bags (yes you read that correctly), a spaghetti dish that was left in the sink too long (i.e. 10 min. after I had eaten off of it), and multiple discussions about his disappointment in my hair color.
The aftermath of this relationship of course brought to surface rage and utter disappointment in the opposite sex.

But then…Along came Paully. With trepidation I accepted his advances, even though he was client and I still don’t trust the assholes I refer to as men. Ahh! What’s a girl to do? Usually after exiting a relationship I like to slip into my alter ego and block out the pain with nonsense, chaos, and making out with random bouncers, bartenders, what have you. I figure that since I’m kind of a big deal, why not share the love.

Yet this new boy has become increasingly famous and I find myself not wanting to kick my shananigans into high gear, and instead revel in the fact that I’m actually dating a nice guy. So far, he’s actually a gentleman who also just happens to be a bail bondsman and bounty hunter (yeah yeah, “dog”) but can you say SEXY?! Seeing your man suit up with tre pound on his hip and teflon on his chest is definitely hot. But alas, there has to be a catch…isn’t there always? Brace yourself…my Paul, sweet Paul, is six years YOUNGER than me. So even though he’s gloriously famous, has a good head on his shoulders, and knows how to make me smile (in every sort of way), I still have to deal with the fact that when Paully came along, so did my cougar status. Yikes. Drink to the roaring 30’s.

lights, camera, action

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